Maintaining a balanced state of mind to provide some stability for my family while my wife struggles with an extended period of depression. It becomes hard to think objectively when you are tired and worn down and it is a struggle sometimes for me to remain objective.
And on the flip side I worry that if I do to much that I will strip away what self confidence she has.
This is so true and it’s not addressed enough. No one really understands what it’s like to have a depressed partner. It’s not the same thing as having a physically ill partner. In a physical illness, we don’t worry that somebody might die because of something we say or something we do.
Whereas in depression, especially suicidal depression or catatonic depression or the kind of depression where a person can’t function around the home, we have the extra added worry that we might harm the person if we put up boundaries or tell them what we need.
I teach people to address the depression directly. This is how we avoid the Bipolar Conversation and make sure that our needs a partner are being met. It does not harm a person with depression to help them manage the depression.
Just because a partner is depressed, it doesn’t mean that all of your needs have to be shut down. It doesn’t mean you have to walk around on eggshells and take care of everything. Instead, it means there has to be an honest and compassionate discussion about the fact that depression is taking over the relationship.
We need to talk about depression in the same way we would talk about pneumonia. It’s essential that it’s an open topic and that the partner with depression is getting help.
